Workshop #3 — Shame & Belonging
The universal challenge of shame in psychotherapy
Robert Lee suggests there is either shame, or belonging. This seminar moves gently into the fraught territory of working with shame from a Gestalt perspective — its origins, its manifestations, and its dynamics inside the consulting room. Emphasis is placed equally on application to self and to clients.
The social emotion
The emotion about emotions
Shame is one of the hard-wired emotions, yet it differs from the others in kind. It is the emotion about emotions — an essential signal regarding the safety of exposing feeling in the social sphere. For this reason it is often described as a social emotion.
Therapy inevitably surfaces feelings and experiences that have long been tucked away, often for good reason: there was not enough support at the time to be fully present with them. The danger is that, even with the best skill and intentions, the same feelings of shame can arise again within the therapeutic encounter itself.
No one wishes to feel shame — it is generally far too painful. A range of other behaviours substitute in its place. This is true of the therapist too, who may be caught by surprise at finding themselves drawn into a shame cycle with a client. It happens easily and not infrequently, and is just as easily masked. The most common cover is to ask questions — the stock in trade of most therapists. Yet questions act as a spotlight, exposing the client while keeping the therapist safely hidden.
Robert Lee
“There is either shame, or belonging.”
Knowledge of the nature of shame — its origins, manifestations, and dynamics inside the therapeutic relationship — is an essential part of professional practice. This workshop serves as an introduction to a very large topic.
What we examine
Shame as a regulator of excitement
Healthy & ground shame
The distinction between shame as protective regulator and the chronic, atmospheric shame that shapes a life.
Shame cycles & spectrum
How shame moves through individuals and relationships — and the wide spectrum of its expressions, from mild withdrawal to total collapse.
Belonging & alienation
The juxtaposition of the yearning to belong with the lived experience of alienation, and what this asks of the therapist.
Therapeutic management
Indicators of shame in the field, and a range of possible responses that hold support and exposure in balance.
Learning outcomes
By the close of the seminar
Participants leave with both a conceptual frame and a felt sense of the work — able to track shame in themselves and in those they sit with.
- 01
Understand the nature and function of shame.
- 02
Understand the issues which arise in the therapeutic management of shame.
- 03
Recognise signs of shame in both self and client.
- 04
Understand how to interrupt shame cycles.
- 05
Attenuate exposure in the therapeutic process in relation to the client’s capacity.
- 06
Utilise support to address shame binds.
Seminar schedule
A measured unfolding
The day moves between presentation, demonstration, and small-group practice — each cycle deepening the prior.
- 01Introductions in the group.
- 02Presentation of the framework of shame.
- 03Brainstorming on issues of shame and belonging.
- 04Group exercise and discussion.
- 05Outline of therapeutic issues in relation to shame.
- 06Demonstration of working with shame in therapeutic process.
- 07Deconstruction and discussion.
- 08Dialogical exercise for participants.
- 09Further presentation on theory.
- 10Second demonstration; deconstruction and discussion.
- 11Dyad exercise; issues arising.
- 12Further theory, a third demonstration, and deconstruction.
- 13Wrap up and checking out.
How participants benefit
What you carry away
- Gain insight into the territory of shame.
- Identify signs of shame in self and client — and know what to do about it.
- Recognise the value of shame as a social emotion.
- Balance support and exposure across interpersonal relationships of all kinds.
Enquire