Workshop #02 — A non-shaming enquiry
The Unvirtues: self-interest in relationship
Participants are introduced to the concept of the unvirtues — the slippery, less acceptable aspects of self that shadow our goodwill. We practise an open-minded enquiry into the relationship between ethics and self-interest, and learn to hold our foibles lightly enough to laugh at them rather than hide them.
The premise
Goodwill, and the I–it beneath it
We look at the contrast between our good intentions and the more utilitarian I–it aspects of relationship — bringing a deeper level of awareness and ownership to facets of self that are generally deemed unacceptable.
A central principle of ethics is stepping beyond self-interest: acting in terms of what is good for our partner, friend, colleague or client. But do we help people because they need it, or to relieve our discomfort at their distress? Are we generous and patient because those are noble qualities, or because we have simply been socialised that way? Do we really choose the virtuous path, or do such actions merely constitute social habit?
The work is about exploring and owning that hidden part of self which Salamo Friedlander called the grotesque: the disowned aspect of our helpful aspirations and high moral ground. Lip service is often given to the shadow, but bringing this dimension into dialogue takes both courage and support.
A paradox
“In striving for love, care and intimacy, we can neglect the place of the utilitarian in relationship. Paradoxically, by owning our smaller-minded and self-oriented needs — our unvirtues — intimacy is augmented. This is the quintessential experience of vibrant authenticity in relationship.”
Learning outcomes
By the close of the seminar
Participants will leave with a working grasp of the unvirtues as a concept, and practical means of meeting them in themselves without resort to shame.
- 01
Understanding the relationship
Grasp how virtues and unvirtues are paired — how each noble identification carries its underside.
- 02
Recognise the less noble
Acknowledge the less noble side of noble intentions in oneself and others without flinching from it.
- 03
Self-humour over shame
Exercise self-humour as an alternative to shame when meeting the contrary, self-oriented parts of self.
Seminar schedule
The shape of the work
The seminar moves from self-rating and theoretical grounding into the deconstruction of personal virtues, group dialogue, and a live demonstration of a ‘showing up’ dialogue which participants then practise themselves.
- 01Introductions in the group.
- 02The topic is introduced with a set of self-rating scales for participants to complete.
- 03A theoretical overview provides context for the work.
- 04Participants identify their own virtues and are assisted to deconstruct these to discover their unvirtues.
- 05Group discussion explores what arises.
- 06Discussion turns to the rating scales, and their capacity to reveal levels of identification with virtues and unvirtues.
- 07A ‘showing up’ dialogue is demonstrated, and participants invited to practise it.
- 08Wrap up and checkout.
Why grub around here
A richer fabric of relationship
Identification as a caring person is only part of the story of self. By examining our depths, the fabric of both personal and professional relationship becomes richer and more meaningful. Life is filled out by ushering the unvirtuous parts of ourselves into dialogue.
The workshop invites participants to reach down and bring to light their contrary side. This requires support, and a non-shaming attitude towards our less savoury impulses and motivations. We explore these in a way which is not only safe but also humorous.
How participants benefit
What attendees take away
Investigate the unvirtues
Enquire into the nature of the unvirtues and how they live alongside identified virtues.
Cultural shaping
Recognise the cultural influences which shape ideas of self, relationship, ethics and polarities.
Ethics and creative adjustment
Examine the connection between ethics, beliefs, avoidances, and creative adjustments.
The showing-up dialogue
Learn how to engage in a ‘showing up’ dialogue with another.
Self-interest within virtue
Explore self-interest as it exists within the virtues we already identify with.
The underbelly of self
Discover and acknowledge the underbelly of one’s self-identifications.
Enquire